Dating & Nudism
DATING & NUDISM — We get asked a lot of questions, but probably the most common questions have to do with relationships, love, dating, etc. A few months ago we did a workshop on this topic at a naturist gathering. so we thought it might be useful to the nudist world to share some highlights with you.
Should I look for a nudist partner?
NO….nudists only make up 1-3% of the population. To focus on finding that sort of rare individual is like looking for a needle in a haystack. It would severely limit your dating pool and probably end up working against your dating success. In fact, 75-80% of nudists in the USA are already married! The good part of that statistic is that many nudists report being introduced to nudism by their partner.
So, focus on compatibility….true compatibility. That is what makes a relationship work. Communication and “speaking the same language” matter far more than whether he or she wears pants.
You want what THEY want, a rounded balanced interesting person. BALANCE matters….for you as an individual and for them. A person who is a nudist to the point of imbalance will have a very difficult time dating….not because they are a nudist, but because they are not a balanced person. So, focus on nudism simply being a part of the bigger picture of who you are, instead of the ONE THING that you wish you could find in a partner.
Don’t use one of those nudist dating websites. Seriously…..don’t waste your time.
You have a better chance of meeting somebody who is NOT a nudist that is open to trying it than you do meeting a nudist who you are compatible with. So make your goal compatibility and true connection.
What is compatibility?
It can be a stage in life….you might be a student, a professional, on a spiritual journey, a single mom/dad, divorced, recovering from a hip replacement, in the military, or any other number of unique situations that impact your life in a variety of different ways. Try to find somebody who can understand where you are at in life, and where you want to go.
Politics, religion, food, family, temperament, tolerance, recreation, how you spend your free time, etc. All of this matters. So, yeah, discuss them on your first date. Why not? That’s what we did….it is how we found out we were compatible. We even brought up nudism and accidentally found out we were both nudists.
Sleep, sex, laundry, music, toothpaste, etc. These sorts of things will take time to find out, but they also matter. But again, same rule, don’t lie or hide who you are just to impress a date.
BE HONEST, Be Yourself...
Never pretend to be anybody but yourself, don’t hide. We can’t over emphasize this enough. Trying to be who you THINK they want you to be never works out well. You have to be authentic. I mean….you’re a nudist, so don’t be afraid to be “naked” when it comes to who you are.
There will be people who stop talking to you because of your honesty….you’ll get ghosted. Join the club. Don’t think of it as a negative, think of how much time and money you just saved!
Don’t use the term “Nudist” in your dating profile….
The problem with labels is that they breed stereotypes. You may know exactly what nudism means, but if somebody reading your profile has a misunderstanding about what nudism is about and mistakes it for some sort of perversion, then guess what, you lost somebody before you even got a chance to share your experiences and/or answer their questions.
Instead use words that describe the bigger picture. Or curious terms that beg a question, like “sort of granola” or “drug free hippie” or “peace, love, surf naked”
Think about it….you are not a nudist as a singular feature. It is a part of your nature, your personality. So….you can almost say it without saying it, right? …..peace, accepting of others, vegetarian, nature loving, philosophical, spiritual, active, traveling to beaches and beautiful destinations, enjoying the sunshine, swimming, finding new friends, etc. If you describe yourself well enough, then nudism will just be part of a list that makes sense.
When and how should I bring up that I’m a nudist?
You should bring it up when it’s natural, but definitely by the 3rd date if not sooner.
You ASK the question you want to answer……that’s important, read it again.
“What books are you reading?” // Oh, cool….we should trade books sometime. I just started reading ‘John Carter of Mars’, which is actually pretty different than the Disney movie version. It turns out that when he goes to Mars and nobody wears clothes there, so he’s naked for pretty much the whole story, though with time it just becomes an unimportant part of the story.
“What’s something crazy, daring, adventurous" // Oh….waiter? Check please (kidding). I guess the craziest or most different thing I’ve done lately is….went to a nude yoga class…..surfed naked….visited a nude beach in France….etc.
Always frame it as a STORY or an EXPERIENCE….that gives you the ability to control the definition of what happened and in dong so define “nudist” if labels come up.
If you just say “I’m a nudist” then you are relying on their subjective stereotype about what that means, and as discussed above, that is not a good approach at all.
Make sure that naturism is only a part of a bigger picture….a feature in your life that makes sense because of who you are, and not a “religion”……BALANCE, remember?
Expectations & Timelines
Expectations are the seeds of disappointment. Be careful not to be so focused on finding the gold that you miss out on the diamonds. Keep an open mind and an open heart. You might find more than what you were looking for.
You don’t get to dictate a timeline….you have to let it happen naturally. If you try to rush something, you can end up spoiling something good. Everybody’s relationship moves on a different timeline, and that’s ok. Just go with the flow.
Trust matters, love matters. If somebody trusts you and wants to be a part of your life because you respect them and give them the space to be who THEY are, then they will want to be more involved with the things you love as you mutually grow together. That is a natural progression, and it takes time. But keep the dialogue open and honest, always.
Low pressure is BETTER than urgency, and comes with a better outcome. So, be patient, don’t try to sell somebody over and over on the idea of trying out a nude beach with you….that’s annoying and immature.
Long term?
Dating is “fun”, but….it’s kind of serious
BE SLECTIVE with who you date, and even more so with who you get into a relationship with. Never date just "because it’s convenient right now”, or because “it’s better than being alone”. If you are in a relationship with the wrong person, then you won’t be available if the right person comes along. So if you don’t think it’s right, end it, be single, be available.
You may like hooking up….but babies are long term. “Netflix & Chill” leads to “Disney+ & Children”.
You may end up marrying the person you swiped right on, so….BE SELECTIVE.
The whole picture matters. Don’t ignore red flags just because you found a “nudist".
