His Naturist Story
Where do I begin….I was born naked?? No, that’s cliche.
I have a twin brother, and when we were about 2 years old, we snuck out of my parent’s apartment and decided to go exploring by the lake and trash cans, completely naked. Later on in my childhood, my mom took up babysitting for some extra income. I remember there were about 5 kids and we would inevitably end up in the backyard naked, making mud pies or digging holes or something. Then, filthy as Swamp Things, we would all be escorted into the bathtub where we would have a bath together. Those were the 80’s, life was more innocent then. My family was not at all a nudist one, but a bunch of kids playing naked in the yard wasn’t considered questionable or even “nudist” back then, it was just normal life.
When I was about 10 years old I had a strong feeling that Tarzan was a man who was living his best life. So, I asked my mom to make me a Tarzan wrap, and she did. I wore it all day long, and took a nap with it on, but when I woke up, some of my family was laughing at me, because I guess I was over the covers and my butt was sticking out. I was embarrassed, I cried, I was mad. How dare they tarnish the joy that Tarzan and I felt living free, like true nature boys! Anyway, that might be the first time I can recall feeling shame about being naked.
When I was about 12, I remember being at a convention in Kissimmee with my dad and my brother and I found this cool 80’s kiosk with local tourist attractions. You could push on topics of interests and the kiosk would give you local suggestions. How space age! So I pushed on outdoors, beach, swimming, pool, sunshine and “Cypress Cove Nudist Resort” came up as a result. That was the first time I recall seeing the word “nudist” and the concept struck me, that there were maybe others, like me, who liked spending time naked. But, was nudism good or evil? By then, religion had entered into the scene, and that’s always short circuit.
Regular bookstores used to have naturist books. I remember seeing some of these, specifically, naturist travel guides. They had pictures of people at nude beaches and resorts, men, women, kids, families…. Wow, how cool! So throughout my teens I gained a pretty good understanding that nude beaches and nudist resorts existed in Florida, because a bunch were listed in those books. But what good is that information when you are 14 years old and unable to drive anywhere. It definitely captured my imagination, and I pictured myself going to these places one day.
By the time I reached my late teens I had a few barriers in place, barriers that I would have to work through. On one hand, the idea of naturism seemed awesome; how liberating it would feel to be free in nature like that. But, by that time I had developed a lot of insecurity about my body. I was tall, skinny, long legs, acne, in braces, etc. I tried to change by working out, but just couldn’t seem to fit “the mold”. On top of that, I now had a decade and a half of religion under my belt, so I struggled with lots of guilt when it came to normal teenage “lustful thoughts” and that guilt sort of lowered my self-worth, which didn’t help with my subjective body dysmorphia; a vicious cycle. So, I was a nudist in spirit, but trapped in the prison of my body and mind. Then…came the internet! God bless the internet!
Dial Up days….AOL was a porthole to the world. Access to the internet enabled me to do lots of research about naturism. There were even naturist chatrooms where I could ask specific questions and get a variety of answers from the other nudists online. That was so very valuable to me. With a little time I came to the conclusion that naturism/nudism was definitely not sexual, and that it was family friendly and wholesome. I also learned exactly where these Florida nude beaches and resorts were at. And at home, if my family was out shopping without me or if I ever had to spend the day home sick from school, I would get naked and spend time being a “ home nudist”. It felt good to be naked again, but it still felt like something that was hidden away, and not truly free.
On the internet I also found this site called “Blue Letter Bible” which had Hebrew translations of biblical texts. So I started doing research into what the Bible REALLY had to say about non-sexual nudity. I quickly discovered that nearly all the pulpit talk I had heard growing up pertaining to nudity was pretty much bullshit. It was eye opening on more levels than just nudity. The bible is definitely a misinterpreted book. The notion that God didn’t really care what I wore or didn’t wear, and that my heart and my intentions mattered more than my state of dress, was a whole new concept to me. So, I tore DOWN that mental barrier! Now there was just one more barrier, my messed up body.
I was 19 by now and I had graduated high school and was enrolled at a local community college. My brother and I shared a car, but we didn’t share the same class schedule. So once or twice a week I would end up alone and with a car to myself. I knew Playalinda was at Canaveral National Seashore outside of Titusville, but I was having a difficult time building up the courage to go. By that time I had gained a sense that my view of my body was irrational, I knew I wasn’t Quasimodo, but I somehow still felt like that anyway. I couldn’t seem to get into an objective headspace and accept myself. So, I finally challenged myself to try a nude beach. It would be a self-prescribed remedy to somehow work past this stupid thinking pattern that I knew I had going on inside my head. So, finally, I decided to go, it was do or die, I couldn’t keep living my life ashamed of my body. I had to do this.
Fortunately, at 19 years old, your heart is healthy enough to endure prolonged tachycardia. My first trip to the nude beach felt like a 2 hour panic attack. I was definitely excited and happy to finally be entering into this world I had researched for so many years. But, the idea of being all out there for the world to see was mortifying. I remember it was like I couldn’t see anything more than 20 feet in front of me. I walked past everybody and put my towel down. It probably took me 20 or 30 minutes to build up the courage, but I finally took off my shorts. I never left my towel that day, and only stayed about 45 minutes. I left the beach feeling sort of embarrassed that other people might have seen me naked. But, I also left the beach victorious. I had DONE IT! How LIBERATING!
I allowed my brain to examine my brain in the following days/weeks. I realized that overall the experience was good and that the only negative parts were probably part of my own misguided thinking. So, I decided to go back to Playalinda. This time, I didn’t sit as far away from the other people. I also wasn’t in panic mode, so I was able to see the people at the beach. I noticed they were almost exclusively old people, like, my grandparent’s age. While the warm weather lasted I kept going. I started going for swims, going for walks. I observed the old people walking the beach quite care-free and confident and they became my heroes. I wanted THAT. I wanted to not care what others thought of me and to just enjoy my surroundings free as a bird. My paradigm was shifting, and it felt good. I became more confident, I even started dating. It turns out I was not Quasimodo after all.
After a year or two of going to the beach by myself, I felt quite comfortable in my own skin. Naturism had given me a great gift. It had freed both my body and my mind. I felt more confident about who I was inside my skin. I still had thoughts of insecurity, but I was now able to casually dismiss them. I had reached a point were I mostly didn’t care what other people thought of me or my body. I was ok with it, and that’s all that mattered.
Not long after that I started visiting nudist resorts, and still found I was predictably the only young person in attendance. A number of years later I became more involved in nudism, and joined with AANR to help brainstorm the formation of a young adult nudist movement focused on making naturism cool and relevant again for young adults. It was surprisingly successful. Naturism had been such a positive force in my life, and it felt great to give that gift to others. But THAT is another story for another blog post, and this one has been long enough. Thanks for reading my story. :)
